PFFL Commissioner Paul Post is investigating serious hazing allegations coming out of the Sharp As a Bowling Ball franchise camp this week. This comes immediately following the UW Marching Band hazing scandal and will probably be met with swift discipline by the league.
According to the report, letters were sent to each players agent containing the details of the alleged hazing. The activities ranged from harmless fun like forced sexual activity and binge drinking, to more serious and disturbing accusations like having to listen to (co-owner Mark) Bogaczyk go “on and on” about something that made little to no sense and being forced to spend “considerable” amounts of time watching tapes of (co-owner Steve) Hannan playing in the UW band in the 90s.
“Every song sounded and looked the same” said Bowling Ball team member Clinton Portis. “Seriously. Like almost exactly.”
“Yeah there was some weird shit going on over there” said former Bowler Willis McGahee, who was recently traded to the Camel Toe franchise. “I’m glad I’m out”. When asked if he was upset leaving the first place Bowlers to go to 1-5 Camel Toe, McGahee responded “Aw hell no man. There are no expectations whatsoever on this team. I can put up 6-8 points a week here and they think I’m a stud. Although it is a bit weird that Tim remembers like every touchdown I scored in college.”
Kurt Warner, who came to Bowling Ball in the McGahee deal, has also filed a separate hazing allegation list including “having to hear a lot of curse words in the locker room” and “being forced to leave church right after communion”.
“Thank goodness the season ends in December, I would hate to see what kind of Lenten-related hazing these guys could come up with” Warner said.
He then went back to his game of “Guess the Psalm” he was playing via text message with his wife Brenda.
