Here in the PFFL, we have an opening week schedule to announce too, and ALL of our games finish in primetime.

The chase for the 2009 PFFL Championship will begin with this slate of 7 matchups:

• CSPJ vs Camel Toe, CSPJ leads 3-1
• Tappa Kegga Day vs Double D, Double D leads 7-3
• The Hip vs The Jedi Masters, The Hip leads 5-4
• Winning Beer Money vs Post Mortem, WBM leads 5-3
• Turd Ferguson vs SIAP, SIAP leads 10-6
• Hedfullalicker vs DDT, Series tied at 5-5
• Kramerica Industries vs SaaBB, SaaBB leads 6-3

Offseason Update Babe

Underrated hottie Anna Faris is in the new movie Observe and Protect, but you probably know her best from the Scary Movie(s).

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Keeley Hazell wearing about as much as you'll ever see her wearing

Week 4 will feature 5 inter-divisional matchups. This is an interesting week – Camel Toe and Hedfullalicker will be playing for the 4th time in league history, and that is the smallest number previous meetings for any game in week 4. There are also matchups between the two teams involved in the most lopsided game in PFFL history, and the two teams involved in one of the most (if not the most) lopsided all-time series in the league.

• DDT vs Post Mortem – These two are meeting for the 8th time. Post Mortem leads the series, 4-3, and has won the last two, including a 58-ish – 45-ish win in week 9 last year. These two seem to play low-scoring affairs, as only 3 times in the previous seven meetings has one of the two teams scored 100+ points.
• SIAP vs Tappa Kegga Day – Meeting for the 14th time, but only the 2nd since 2002, this is the first of two division matchups for TKD and SIAP this season. As division mates in ’97, ’98, ’99, ’00, and ’02, these two teams typically split their season series (SIAP swept TKD in 2000, otherwise, they were 1-1 against each other every year). TKD beat SIAP in the championship game 10 years ago. Last year, TKD beat SIAP, 87.69 – 55.88, in week 8, and carries a 2-game win streak into this season. SIAP still leads the all-time matchup, 7-6.
• Kramerica Industries vs Chain Smoking Patch Junkies – With an all-time matchup knotted up at 3 wins apiece, Kramerica and CSPJ will only play once in the regular season this year for the first time in three seasons. Only once has one of these two teams scored 100+ in a game against the other — CSPJ in week 10 of the 2006 season.
• Double D vs Sharp as a Bowling Ball – Double D leads this matchup, 3-2, but the regular season series is tied at 2 wins each. Double D won the last two meetings, but these two haven’t played in almost 2 full seasons. Their last matchup was in week 5 of the 2006 season.
• Hedfullalicker vs Camel Toe – In the other division matchup of the week, Hedfullalicker and Camel Toe square off for the 4th time in PFFL history. As division rivals in CT’s first season, Camel Toe beat Hed in week 5 of the 2006 season. Then, Hed beat CT in week 13 of that season, and again in week 7 last year, to claim a 2-1 series lead.
• The Hip vs The Jedi Masters – Did you know that The Hip and The Jedi Masters have never been in the same division? Neither did I. Until now. 2008 isn’t their year to co-habitate a division either, so they’ll have to settle for this inter-division clash as their 9th all-time meeting. The Jedis have won the last two games (in ’06 and ’07) to close in on The Hip’s 5-3 series lead. Last year’s victory was a bit of a laugher as the Jedi Masters won 159-84 – 36.5 in the biggest victory of any game in PFFL history, like… ever.
• Turd Ferguson vs Winning Beer Money – This isn’t officially rivalry week, but these two clubs have always shared a bit of a rivalry, at least in words. On the field itself? Well, this one is crazy-lopsided in favor of WBM, by the count of 10-1. Turd’s last win over Winning? Week 5 of the 1999 season, and that win was 75-73. Wanna check out the all-time scoring? Well, WBM leads Turd, 1071.79 – 848.03 in points scored. We’ll see if Turd can put a dent in that this week.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a way-way-way-too-early preview without some Keeley. The next two photos are NSFW, so, wait until you’re at home, then feel free to click below.

Keeley Hazell shows off her natural beauty(s)

...and then turns around

Week 3 will be a history-making week for PFFL. It will be the first ever official Rivalry Week. Yep, if college can do it, so can we. Most of these rivalries were chosen by your submissions, some were arbitrarily assigned (especially in cases where some of you didn’t submit any rival preferences). Hopefully this will be a fun week:

• DDT vs CSPJ – This one falls into the arbitrary category, but it has been an interesting matchup over the last 5 years. CSPJ beat DDT in 2003 and 2004, but has lost three straight, including a season division series sweep last year.
• SIAP vs Double D – These two teams have faced each other every season since DD joined the league. In fact, SIAP was the team that Double D defeated in their first-ever PFFL game. Following that first defeat, SIAP beat DD 3 straight times. The luck ran out there though, as Double D swept SIAP in their 2005 division matchups, and then won in their meetings in ’06 and ’07. 2008 will be the fourth time that they’ve resided in the same division.
• Kramerica vs Turd Ferguson – Rivals since Kramerica’s entry into the league in 2002, a week 4 win last year gave KI a 4-3 series lead over Turd. This series has been remarkably close over the years, with only 10 points separating the two teams’ point totals in this series.
• Tappa Kegga Day vs Camel Toe – Calling this one a rivalry is a bit of a stretch, but CT will be looking for revenge from a near-70 point beatdown in their only previous meeting with TKD, in week 6 of the 2006 season.
• Post Mortem vs The Jedi Masters – The first rivalry to get a name in PFFL, the Britney Bowl is currently tied at 9 wins each. The last meeting between the teams was in the playoff semi-finals last year when PM lost by only 12 to the eventual Super Bowl champs. In 12 of their 18 meetings, the victor has scored 100+ points. In fact, in 7, the loser has scored 100+.
• Hedfullalicker vs The Hip – Thanks to wins in the first three meetings (in ’97 and ’98), The Hip leads this series 9-5. Since The Hip’s win in week 15 of 2002, however, the winner of these matchups has altternated by game. If form holds, Hedfullalicker is due to win this game.
• SaaBB vs Winning Beer Money – For the first time since 2000, these two teams are in the same division. WBM currently leads the series 5-4-1. The last two meetings have featured scores from both the winner and loser in the 100′s.

Per the way-way-way-too-early preview tradition, more Keeley Hazell pics for this preview. More from this series can be found here. Anyone else thirsty for a Coke?

After week 1′s five division games, week 2 will feature 4 more as teams look to get a jump start on their respective division races before the dreaded bye weeks begin. One matchup will be the 15th all-time meeting between the clubs involved, another the 14th, and yet another the 12th. As the icing on the cake of these double-digit meetings, we get a 2007 Super Bowl rematch in that series’ 10th meeting.

• DDT and Double D will each be playing their 2nd division games in only their fourth meeting ever. This is the first time they have resided in the same division. After Double D won the first meeting in 2003, DDT has taken the last two.
• SIAP and Winning Beer Money meet in a non-division matchup that is also the 15th meeting ever between their teams. WBM leads the all-time series, 9-5. As division rivals in 2007, these two split their season series. In week 2 last year, WBM beat SIAP, 117-87.57.
• In a rematch of PFFL Super Bowl XII, The Jedi Masters and Kramerica will square off for the 10th time in league history. TJM owns the series advantage, 6-3, but Kramerica won their only previous week 2 meeting, in 2005.
• After splitting a division series last year, Hedfullalicker and Tappa Kegga Day will meet for the 14th time. Interestingly, they did not meet in the inaugural PFFL campaign in ’97, but they’ve met at least once each season since then. TKD owns the series, 10-3.
• Post Mortem and The Hip share a division for the first time since 2002 after not playing each other at all in 2007. This is the 12th meeting (including 2 playoff matchups) in a series that Post leads 7-4. These two met in week 2 of the first ever PFFL season, with PM winning, 101-73.
• CSPJ and Sharp as a Bowling Ball are division mates for the second consecutive year, and fifth time in six years. In fact, the only non-division meeting they’ve ever played? It was a playoff game during 2004, when they were in the same division anyway. The series is tied, 4-4-1.
• Camel Toe and Turd Ferguson share a division for the first time after splitting non-division week 8 meetings each of the last two seasons.

Official Way-way-waaaaaaaaaay Early Preview Babe Keeley Hazell is back this week with a couple pictures from her early years of like, 2005. I believe she was either 18 or 19 at the time these pics were snapped. She wears less clothes when you click for more.

5 Division matchups, one 2007 semi-final rematch, and the first of two meetings between the last two PFFL champs highlight the start of the 2008 season.

• DDT and SIAP played in the final regular season week of 2007. They play again to start 2008. This will be their ninth meeting. They were also in the same division in 2006, with SIAP sweeping the season series.
• Kramerica and SaaBB played in the 2007 semi-final round, with Kramerica prevailing on the way to their first-ever Super Bowl appearance. SaaBB won the first five meetings between the teams, but Kramerica has taken the last two.
• TKD and Double D are in the same division for the third straight year. DD has won the last three, and absolutely owns TKD in the overall matchup, 7-1.
• Post Mortem meets CSPJ for the sixth time. PM is 3-0 in weeks 1-9, while CSPJ is 2-0 in week 10+. This is week 1.
• Hedfullalicker and Turd Ferguson square off for the 12th time, and will be in the same division for only the second time (the last was 2003). Hed has used a four-game win streak over Turd to take the series lead, 6-5. Turd’s last wins? Those 2 division games in ’03.
• The ’06 and ’07 PFFL champions will kick off the season with their first division meeting of the 2008 season. The Jedi Masters and Winning Beer Money were in the same division twice previously, in 2003 (they split) and 2005 (a Jedi sweep). For WBM, this is a familiar opponent — their last two games were against TJM (a loss in the regular season finale and a loss in round 1 of the playoffs).
• The Hip and Camel Toe are division rivals for the first time, but have played in each of the last two years, splitting those two matchups.

Pics: I’ve decided that Keeley Hazell deserves a special role in PFFL. I didn’t want to make her our mascot though, since losing that job apparently makes you crazy. So, she is now our official way-way-waaaaaaaaaay early preview babe. Each preview will contain one pic at the start of the article that won’t get you fired and one more after the jump with the good stuff. Enjoy.

View the schedule here.

Coming up: I’m going to go week-by-week with some way-way-waaaaaaaay early matchup previews. Will it impact your draft preparation come summertime?

Pic: Alysha Castonguay is a cheerleader for the Super Bowl XLII runner-up New England Patriots. On our many dates, she prefers that I call her “Lysh”. We went to a Carrie Underwood concert recently (she likes that song “Wasted” – I think Underwood is pretty). I’m currently doing everything I can to help Lysh achieve her dream job (being a Victoria’s Secret Angel) — my lady aims high. (Photo from Maxim’s cheerleader pictorial)

Week 1 features two 14th meetings: The Jedi Masters vs SaaBB and SIAP vs The Hip. Also on tap is the 10th WBM vs Turd matchup.

In week 2, Turd and The Hip meet for the 10th time, WBM and SIAP meet for a 13th go round and The Jedi Masters and Post Mortem play game #16 in their rivalry.

Week 3 leads off with the first ever matchup between SaaBB and Camel Toe, and also includes the first regular season meeting between The Jedis and Double D since 2005.

CSPJ and SaaBB will play in week 4, they last met in 2005. It’s also the first of two meetings between the Jedis and TKD, as well as the 15th ever game between Hedfullalicker and Post Mortem.

In week 5, Post Mortem and Winning Beer Money meet for the first time since 2005, and only the 8th time in their 10 years of joint league play.

Week 6 is the first ever meeting between Camel Toe and DDT.

Week 7 features the first game between Turd Ferguson and The Jedi Masters since week 6 of the 2004 season.

SaaBB and The Hip meet for the 16th time in week 8, while CSPJ plays DDT for the first time since 2005. Most shockingly of all, Tappa Kegga Day will play SIAP for the thirteenth time in the 11-year history of their rivalry, but the first time since 2002!

In week 9, SIAP tries to 6-0 against Kramerica, meeting for the first time since 2004.

Week 10 brings us the first Double D – WBM meeting since 2005 and Hedfullalicker’s first game against SIAP since 2001!

Weeks 11-13 feature division matchups.

In week 14, Kramerica takes on The Hip for the first time since 2005, while Camel Toe and Post Mortem square off for the first time.

The NFL will release the full season schedule at Noon (CT) today. ESPN will be covering the event with a special 2 hour SportsCenter this afternoon (while all of us work) and will likely flood their website with detailed breakdowns of the schedule shortly thereafter. That means that by this afternoon, you’ll have to dig a little deeper for the story of the Angels-Indians game in Milwaukee last night.